


community gardens

by studiokillers (alanaheck)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Compulsory Heterosexuality, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Gardening, Introspection, Jade-centric, Lesbian Jade Harley, M/M, Mutual Pining, NOT epilogue compliant. epilogue defiant if anything, Parties, Platonic Relationships, Slow Burn, Trauma, background rosemary/davekat/callieroxy, but quite a bit of dirk and terezi too, projection time time to project, remember that the & symbol means platonic! do not ship dirk with girls! he is quite gay!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:13:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21515095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alanaheck/pseuds/studiokillers
Summary: sometimes, you have a social circle in theory, not in practice.sometimes, you slip through the cracks.this time, you'll be with people who don't forget you.(jade harley finds some better friends.)
Relationships: Jade Harley & Dirk Strider, Jade Harley/Terezi Pyrope, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Terezi Pyrope & Dirk Strider
Comments: 22
Kudos: 36





	1. overgrown

Your name is Jade Harley, and your gardens are overflowing.

Vines are creeping up the walls of your room, wilting flower buds popping off of them as they twist and turn. Your floor is so strewn with greenery that your feet are permanently stained with chlorophyll. Roxy had helped you set all this up, robbing the un-existence out of a heat lamp and some fertilizer for you. You appreciated it, you really did, and at the time you thought you’d have no problem taking care of so many plants, but now…

You don’t know. You just don’t know. 

  
  


_____________________

  
  


Dirk Strider walks through the twin doors of the troll kingdom’s palace, and the sight of its interior nearly makes his eyebrows shoot up past the top of his shades, cartoon-style. Jesus christ, it’s _humongous_. He can’t help but be proud of his bro for landing himself a place like this, even though sweet-ass housing is kind of inherent to the whole immortal deity thing.

Speaking of Dave, where is he, anyways? Dirk’s supposed to be meeting him and his, uh, not-boyfriend Karkat in the TV room, but that could be anywhere in this huge-ass house. He shouts out his name and a distinctly non-male, non-human face appears in an open doorway. _Terezi._ Dirk’s only talked to her once or twice, but anyone on Earth C could recognize those red glasses from a mile away.

“Other Dave!” It’s a statement, not a greeting. And, hey, wait, could she smell him from here? He’s not gonna lie, that’s pretty impressive. 

“Uh… sup. Do you know where the-”

“TV room’s down the hall, to the left, to the right, and to the left again. The door has got an absolutely delectable picture of the quadrants drawn on it! And if you're _really_ lost, you can always follow the sound of a never-ending flow of flirt-bickering!” She giggles like she’s just heard an old inside joke, but Dirk sees something like loss flash across her face, leaving as soon as it came. _Huh._ “And when I say never-ending, I mean _never_ -ending. You’re a braver man than I am to be facing that willingly.” She mock-salutes him.

He shoots her a thumbs-up, and the voice in his head reminds him that _she's blind, you utter dumbfuck._ “Thanks.” He turns to go, and she taps him on the shoulder.

“Hey, if you see Harley, could you do me a favor and tell her to get her gay ass down here? She said she'd let me make her a D&D character today, and I refuse to let her sleep her way through that!”

“Sounds good. Just wondering, do you want the whole Jade, or just her ass?”

Terezi’s face splits into a wicked grin. “Surprise me.”

Dirk continues on his way, zig-zagging through the palace. The doors, he notices, all have something painted on them. Generally, a lot of dicks, but a few are actually-

_What the fuck._

A tangle of plants is pouring out one of the rooms and into the hallway, keeping the door propped open. Dirk blinks, almost unsure if what he's seeing is real. The vision persists, and he wonders what in the exact hell is going on. Maybe it's a greenhouse? That's something a lot of these really big places had, right? But, no. Greenhouses were outdoors and had glass walls. This was dead in the middle of the palace. If it wasn't a greenhouse, then what?

Dirk’s curiosity gets the better of him, and he peers inside.

It’s… a bedroom? 

Or, rather, _was_ a bedroom. He’s not exactly sure if he can describe the sprawl before him as anything other than a jungle. Pictures of Jake’s island flash in his mind, and he realizes that he’s never seen this many plants in his life. Nothing close to it. Growing up in hell’s very own waterpark doesn’t really give one a chance to get accustomed to natural life. 

Without realizing it, he reaches his hand out to touch the nearest sprout. It’s… weird. Cooler to the touch than he was expecting, and drier, too. Like it’s…

Dead. 

Like everything in this room is dead. 

Dirk darts his eyes around the room, and sees brown cracking open leaves that should be green. He reels back as the smells of rot and abandonment hit his nose, sending his head spinning. Something about it hits a chord deep in his mind, and he jumps back to a time before the game, a time of sitting on his bed, trying to muster up the motivation to work on his robots, draw the drawings he had promised to his friends, watch a cartoon, take a shower, something, _anything-_

Whoa. Dirk takes a step back and runs a hand through his hair, letting out a shaky laugh for good measure. He couldn’t have seriously just worked himself up into a panic over a leaf and a strange smell _._ That's a whole new level of pathetic, even for him. Starving orphan on the streets of London in the freezing winter level of pathetic. The emotional equivalent of asking passerby if they could spare some pence for a bowl of soup, or whatever the fuck it was that those starving orphans would say. Something like that.

Besides, it’s not like he’s here to peek around into weird rooms anyways. He’s got no shortage of weird in his life. Plenty of weird to be found on Earth C. He’s here to watch shitty romcoms with Dave and Karkat, and there's not a thing in this world that can stop him. Fuck yeah. _Fuck_ yeah.

He turns and walks out of the room, immediately colliding with Jade Harley. 

“Shit!” Her glasses clatter to the floor, and Dirk winces, hearing them hit the linoleum. By some stroke of luck, however, they’re intact when she picks them up, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

“Fuck, uh- sorry-”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Jade holds up a hand. “I wasn’t… looking where I was going.” Her tone’s odd. Filled with thought and not quite there, like she’s halfway in a dream. Dirk knows the feeling.

He remembers the favor he promised Terezi, but as he opens his mouth to speak, Jade slips past him into the overgrown room.

Dave told him once that Jade is a gardener.

Her far off tone, the room in disarray that smelled of death, all of it struck Dirk with the most sinking sense of deja vu. Yeah. Yeah, he's been there before. He's been there, and he hopes on his life to never go back again. 

As he continues on his way, passing room after room, the feeling of someone else’s dread still lingers.

“Took you long enough.” When he finally gets there, Dave’s on the couch next to Karkat, his legs swung up onto the troll boy’s lap. 

“You guys gonna give me some room to sit?” 

“I don't know. Are we, _Dave?_ ” 

Ah, yes. Flirt-bickering.

“Need I remind you, _Kar-kat_ , that you were the one to initiate this round of homie cuddling?”

Karkat groans, the snarl gone from his voice. “Do you _have_ to call it homie cuddling?”

  
  
“Shit man, maybe I just wanna remind everyone that you’re my number one bro. Ever think of that? Huh?” Karkat rolls his eyes, and Dave turns his attention towards Dirk. “There's a beanbag chair on the floor for you, dude.”

  
  
He flops down into the beanbag, and Karkat presses play on the movie. It’s some rom-com, entertaining enough but not really his thing. His mind’s still stuck on earlier, running it over again and again, trying to unravel it enough to figure out what it was that unnerved him so deeply. To no avail, however. He’s met only with a growing sense of concern.

  
During a lull in the movie, Dave talks about a party that Rose and Kanaya are throwing Friday night, and asks Dirk and Karkat if they’re going. Karkat says he wouldn’t miss one of Kanaya’s parties for anything, and Dirk shrugs and says that Roxy’s probably gonna drag him. _A party._ He’s never really been much for those. Large crowds tended to freak him out a little bit, but maybe this party could give him an opportunity to answer the question weighing down on his mind:

  
Is Jade Harley okay?


	2. you're at the party

You’re having a great time at this party.

It’s all super elegant, but looking back, you probably should’ve expected that. You can’t help but feel a little bit silly in your neon windbreaker with neon rubber bands on your fingers, but that’s okay! Maybe you _are_ a little bit silly, and that’s alright!

You’re having a great time at this party.

Rose and Kanaya had invited you, Dave, Karkat, and the Mayor to sit at the hostess’s table with them. Terezi had opted to stay home, and you guess that June must have too. Rose seemed to have anticipated this, as there’s no empty seats left for either of them this time.

The sight of it makes you a little sad.

You’re having a great time at this party.

Dave’s regaling your table with a story of the time he and Vriska got into a hot sauce chugging contest, and tells you all how he finished the full bottle and absolutely smoked her ass. Rose flicks him on his cheek, saying the only reason he won is that he chose the most mild flavor possible. Dave retorts with some inside joke you don't get, and everyone erupts into laughter.

Everyone but you.

Why aren’t you having a great time at this party?

You should be! By all means, you really, really should be. You’re here with your friends! Rose and Kanaya invited you, personally, to sit with them, and you haven’t even really talked to them in ages! That’s good, right? You should be happy about that, right?

You drum your fingers on the table.

It’s you, isn’t it? The issue here has gotta be you. All the rest of them seem to be having fun, and you’re just. Sitting here! Sitting here not saying a word, like some kind of morose loser! You shake your head, chastising yourself for jumping the gun so quickly. Can’t blame people for not noticing you if you don’t make yourself known, right?

“Oh! That reminds me of the time that-” you interject, but now Karkat’s going on some tangent, and no one seems to notice that you're talking.

“.. told him he's the slimiest shitsock I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting, but of course, he took that as pitch flirting…”

“The time that-”

“...then he started hitting on one of the Nepetas there!” Kanaya gasps. “I know!”

“The time-”

“So then Meenah decides she's gonna take matters with this fishfucker into her own hands…”

You slump your head down on the table in surrender. God, you don't even know who Meenah _is_. They all seem pretty dead-set on not acknowledging you, so you take out your phone and listlessly start playing some stupid game you don't even remember downloading. 

You wish you knew what you were doing wrong.

After five minutes of this, your phone suddenly buzzes with, to your shock, a message on PesterChum. It's from a handle you don't recognize, and, curiously, you open it.

uranianUmbra [UU] began pestering  gardenGnostic [GG]

UU: jade!

GG: ??

GG: who’s this? :0 sorry to be rude!

UU: behind you! ^U^

You turn, and can’t stop a gasp from escaping you when you spot who it is.

“Oh my god. Calliope!” She waves you over, as does Roxy, who occupies the seat beside her. You dash over to their table, nearly tripping over yourself in your haste to leap into the green girl’s arms. And leap you do, nearly knocking the water pitcher over. You don’t care, though. You’re just glad to have someone who’s happy to see you.

That’s sad. You definitely did not just think something that sad out loud.

“Jade, darling! You really made it!” Calliope’s face is split open in a grin that you can’t help but smile back at.

“Of course I did!”

She gives you a squeeze, then looks rather surprised. “Oh dear, where are my manners? Everyone!” She turns to her table of Jake, Jane, Roxy, and Dirk. “You’ve met Jade here, haven’t you?” The rest of the group responds in the affirmative.

“You were there, Callie.” Jane shoots you a smile. “Nice to see you again.”

“Yeah! Better circumstances then last time, right?” You immediately kick yourself for bringing up that whole thing, but Jane seems to take it in stride.

“Pretty low bar there.” she says with a chuckle, and you nod in agreement. Roxy, who’s been sitting beside the two of you, looks over, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

“You know, Janey,” she says, voice dripping with coyness. “Since you’re not gonna dance with me, I guess I’ve got no choice but to take Jade here out for a spin. What do you say to _that_?”

Jane sighs the sigh of someone who’s dealt with a lifetime’s worth of antics. “I say go ahead. Better her than me.” Triumphant, Roxy extends her hand, and you happily take it. You danced quite a bit during your time on the ship, and you’re sure it can’t be _that_ different with a partner. Probably. You think. You hope.

She takes you out onto the dance floor, and you feel the bass of the music deep down in your throat. The song’s something you don’t recognize. Weird, experimental- you’re guessing Dave picked it- but not exactly undancable. You can work with this!

“Ready?” Roxy shouts. You think you shout back, but your voice gets lost in the beat of the song. She seems to catch your drift though, and the two of you begin your dance.

Something compels you to jump, and Roxy follows suit, and the two of you fly through the air. You land lightly on your feet, and take a second to catch your balance. Though she’s quite a bit shorter than you, Roxy raises your interlocked hands above your head, and you allow her to twirl you around. Three circles later, your head’s spinning too, and you collapse gracelessly into her arms.

You burst into laughter, and so does she. Neither of you know what’s so funny, exactly, but you know that the giddiness coursing through your veins hasn’t been there in ages. You know it leaves as soon as it’s there. So you laugh hysterically, absolutely lose your mind in the arms of a girl you barely know. Nothing’s funny! _Everything’s_ funny!

You hope the rest of them see you laughing.

The song ends, and you and Roxy make your way back to the table, still in giggles. “Alright, Jake!” she shouts, dropping your hand in exchange for his. “Your turn!”

“Uh, what? Wait- Roxy, no- Roxy!” Jake tries to resist, but she’s already dragged him halfway across the dance floor. “Dirk! She’s kidnapping me!”

Dirk shrugs and shakes his head. “Can’t help you, man. Sorry.” From the look on Jake’s face, you’d think he’s just been shot by his best friend.

The song he and Roxy are dancing to is quieter, you notice. Just as fast paced, but you can actually hear yourself think now. Jane and Calliope seem to have noticed too, as they’re now engaged in a heated conversation about the merits of candy vs. baked goods. You’ve never heard two people get so passionate over sweets.

Honestly, you feel a little bit weird with the cover of the music stripped away. Not bad-weird, really, more like... _exposed_? It was like, while laughing and dancing with Roxy, you had slipped into some sort of dream state. That kind of unreality where you can do anything, cause it’s unreality! There’s no material repercussions! Things are only as real as you want them to be!

You should know by now that that feeling’s always a trick.

You had felt so fun. You had felt downright spontaneous, jumping around out there like some kind of human bullfrog. But the veil of your temporary mania’s been pulled back, and you know now what everyone really saw when they looked at you.

The loneliest girl in the world, failing at being happy, dancing with a girl who took pity on her only to be promptly replaced by her grandfather. Faking it all, and not even faking it well.

You pull back a rubber band and let it snap against your finger.

What’s killing you here is that you somehow didn’t anticipate this. You’ve felt like a cube in a triangular hole everywhere outside of Terezi’s room for a good long while. Whatever the fuck the issue with you was, what made you think that it would be solved by putting yourself in a room of people and forcing them to deal with you? You should have waited! You shouldn’t have done anything, shouldn’t have gone anywhere, until you were able to be _fun_ again!

“Not much of a party person?”

You startle, and turn to face Dirk, who’s occupying the seat next to you. _Great! We’re doing this now! That's just great!_

You take on a confused expression and laugh, like the thought of what he’s suggesting isn’t only incorrect, but downright befuddling in its wrongness. Like the concept itself is foreign to you. “What makes you say that?”

“You don't seem to be having all that much fun. I mean, you’ve been snapping the living shit out of those rubber bands for the past five minutes.” You look down to see that you’re in the middle of pulling one back, and slowly return it to its original position. God, you didn’t even notice.

“I’m a party person!”

“Are you?”

“I am _such_ a party person.” Your fingers go to the rubber bands again, and you have to physically restrain yourself from snapping them back.

“I mean. If you say so.” He shrugs. “Don’t really like them myself, personally. Too many people.”

“What? But that’s, like, the best part!” Your tone’s high and light, saturated with semi-sincere offense. “I mean, that’s why I came, y’know? It’s been a while since I’ve… seen anyone. Y'know?”

“Hey, speak for yourself. I just find them kind of overwhelming. Not all that used to big crowds.” He smiles with half his mouth, and for a second there you really do see the resemblance between him and Dave.

You sigh. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I can get that. Can I ask you something, though?” He nods. “Why come, then? Tons of people stayed home! I’m sure it would’ve been fine.”

“Who stayed home?”

“Terezi! And... June, I’m pretty sure.”

“Huh. Well, Roxy made me go anyways. Got tired of my hermit ass and fucking singlehandedly dragged me out of my room.” The mental image of that makes you giggle a little bit. “I was just about to leave, though. There’s an ice cream place around the corner, and no disrespect to Rose and Kanaya, but that sounds a hell of a lot more appealing than this right now.”

_Ice cream?_

“Aw, well... see ya, then!” You’re honestly a little disappointed to see him go. He was pretty decent company. Odd, sure, odd and vaguely awkward, but decent all the same.

He stops, then tilts his head, almost quizzically. “Wanna come with?”

Hm.

One half of you knows that this is probably just another pity invitation. He was just telling you about how he prefers to be alone! You’re pretty sure having some weirdo girl he barely knows tag along would ruin his mood even more.

The other half of you really, _really_ wants some ice cream.

You weigh your options, and decide it’s always better to feel like a failure with ice cream than a failure without.

“Yeah! I could go for some food right now.”

“Great.” Dirk actually smiles, and it catches you by surprise. Maybe you’re making the right choice after all. “Don’t forget your stuff.” You pull on your backpack and follow him out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: this was originally part of another chapter but it got really long so i cut it into two! expect that one to be out shortly
> 
> god i just want jade to have friends :(


	3. i can sabotage me by myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe i have to say this but if u read the interactions between dirk and jade in this chapter as romantic i will beat u to death. no gay erasure in my household

It’s a nice night out, cool and balmy. You tie your jacket around your waist and stretch your arms out a little bit, feeling the air lightly on your skin. God, you had missed that sensation. “How far away’s the place?” 

“Uh… just down the block.” Right. He just said that. “Nice bag, by the way.”

“What, are you too much of a coolkid for a frog backpack or something? It’s _cute_!” 

Dirk holds up his hands. “Hey, I was being genuine. I like it. Looks like something out of _Animal Crossing_.”

“...It is something out of _Animal Crossing._ ”

“Exactly.” You stick your tongue out at him. 

The two of you arrive at the ice cream place, a sort of classic parlor type thing you would expect to see in an old movie. It’s dead quiet- it _is_ around nine at night, after all- and you sense that Dirk’s kind of relieved by that. It unnerves you, though, and your vocal cords go to fill the silence without any input from your brain. 

“So... What do you think you’re gonna get?”

“Don’t know yet.” He’s surveying the list of flavors with the precise intensity of a secret agent receiving classified information from their superior. You’re not sure why your mind immediately jumped to that metaphor. You’ve probably been watching too much _Phineas and Ferb._ Regardless, though, it’s kind of funny how into serious he looks. How serious he looks all the time, actually. You get the sense that this is a guy who hasn’t chilled out for a second in his life. 

“Can I get vanilla, please?” he decides, after a solid three minutes of decision making, and you burst out laughing. “What?”

“You take that long to pick a flavor, and you choose _vanilla_?”

"What's wrong with vanilla? It's a solid flavor. Classic."

You cross your arms over your chest and grin. "Classic is just another word for basic!" 

  
  
Dirk sighs. “Listen. Listen.” 

“I’m listening!”

“Cup or cone?” asks the server, who seems to be stifling a chuckle herself. 

“Uh… cup, thanks.” He turns back to you. “Well, what- what are _you_ getting, then?”

  
  
“Great question!” You hop over to the counter. “Can I have mint chocolate chip! In a cone please. Oh, and with oreo pieces thank you!” The server nods, and scoops a truly colossal amount of ice cream into your cone. 

Dirk shakes his head. “Jade, I’ve changed my mind. We can’t be friends.”

_We’re friends?_ “What? Why not?” 

“I’m not spending my time with a fucking mint chocolate chip liker.”

  
  
“Look who’s talking, vanilla boy.” The server hands you your ice cream, and you fish a five out of your jacket pocket. She hands you back your change, and you plunk it into the tip jar.

You and your new friend _(a new friend!)_ Dirk sit down in one of the old timey booths. You take a lick of your ice cream, and wow, you’ve forgotten how good it is. You firmly believe that anyone who thinks mint chocolate chip tastes like toothpaste has never actually tried the flavor in their life, and that's the hill you'll die on. 

“Hey, you know what? Maybe you’re right.” says Dirk, breaking the silence. “Vanilla is a little bit bland.”

“It is! I’m telling you, it is!”

To your horror, he produces a packet of ketchup out of god knows where. “Maybe a topping would spice it up a bit.”

You gasp. “Don’t you dare.”

He squeezes the packet’s contents out onto the cone. “You’ve opened this can of worms, Jade. Now lie in it.”

“I will leave! I will walk right out of here and fly myself home!”

“Bet.” He locks eyes with you and bites down on his ice cream, and you genuinely have to stop yourself from screaming. You’re not a squeamish person, but some things just cross a line. 

His eyes go wide, and he breaks out into a coughing fit. “Are you regretting your choices?”

“Nope! Nope, this is- this is great. This tastes great. Fantastic, even.” You’re tempted to ask him to prove it by taking another bite, but you decide that’s just a bit too cruel. He’s suffering enough as it is.

“Dude,” you say through giggles, “That’s like the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen someone do to prove a point!”

  
  
He’s doubled over, still coughing his lungs out. “Yeah, yeah. That’s fair. That’s a fair assessment.” You offer him your water bottle, and he accepts it gratefully, chugging half the thing and putting it down on the table with a gasp. “Okay, have you been successfully grossed out? Just absolutely fucking revolted by my crimes against the very concept of food?” 

“Sure! I mean, you seem way more grossed out than me, but let’s go with that!”

  
  
“Good.” His expression grows serious, and you’re immediately on edge. “There’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Oh no. Your fingers automatically go to your rubber bands, and you have to physically stop yourself from stretching them back again. You flash back to the last few times a guy’s said that to you, and you thank the gods that Dirk’s gay.

Wait, _you’re_ the gods. You keep forgetting that. You suppose you could thank yourself for making him gay, but that would be silly! You’re pretty sure you didn’t have a hand in that! Also, if anyone’s powers could make people gay, it was probably Dirk himself’s. Maybe Jake’s? Definitely not yours, though. You’re not sure how space powers could turn anyone gay. Basically, what you’re trying to say is that you’re glad Dirk’s not about to ask you out. You know it’s a weird thing to say about a guy who looks almost exactly like your ex, but he’s _really_ not your type. 

“Uh, Jade? You there?”

You snap to attention. “Yep, yep, sorry! Right here! What do you wanna talk to me about?”

He pauses, and the quiet roars in your ears. Clear as day, you hear a faucet dripping in the backroom, and you turn all of your attention on it, grateful for even the smallest bit of sound to break up the thoughts bubbling in your head.

_Drip._

What could he even have to talk to you about? It’s not like you guys are super close besties or anything. You could probably count on one hand the amount of times you’ve talked to him before today.

_Drip._

Was something up with Dave? That had to be it, right? You guys _are_ both pretty close with him. Or, you used to be, at least.

_Drip._

But if it was about Dave, why’s Dirk going to you and not Karkat? He spends pretty much every second of his life with Dave, so you’re sure he’d have a better idea than you. So if it wasn’t that, then what? What could it be? You barely talk to him, you don't have that many friends in common with him, so what could he possibly have on his mind that concerned _y-_

“Are you, like. Okay?”

You blink. “Am I…”

“The other day. When I saw you in the hallway, you seemed… out of it. I ran into you, and you looked like… Shit, how do I phrase this. Like, this was you,” he says, waving his left hand, “and this was the concept of reality,” he waves his other hand now, “and it was all sort of up in here like this.” He gestures wildly, nearly knocking over his cup in the process. “You know?”

You _do_ know.

“I mean, I did kind of feel like that… but that’s nothing to be worried about!” You plaster your best grin onto your face. “I always kind of feel like that!”

“Yeah, see, that’s not a good thing.”

You wrap your arms around your legs. “It’s nothing I can’t deal with.” 

“Hey, I get that. I believe you. And if it was only that, I wouldn’t have even brought it up. I would’ve just thought hey, maybe she’s a naturally _spacey_ person.” You don’t laugh. “Sorry. Point being, remember when we ran into each other the other day?”

“Yeah?” You don’t like where he’s going with this.

“...Yeah. I saw your room.” 

Shit.

“You saw my… “

“It looked like how my room used to look when Jake would go MIA for weeks on end. Not his fault, by the way,” he says, interrupting himself mid-sentence. “Just to clarify. And in my case, it wasn't plants, more just miscellaneous fuckeries that I had hoarded up in there. But technicalities aside, the main thing is that I was too far in my own head to care about anything that was happening around me. And I'm willing to bet the same thing’s going on with you.”

You dig your nails into your leg and grit your teeth to stop yourself from barking at him. What in the hell does he know about you, actually? What makes him think he can just come up to you all smug and tell you what's wrong with you? Like you ever gave him permission to know you! Like you don't work day and night to make yourself okay!

“Have you ever considered that maybe I _like_ it that way?”

He raises an eyebrow. “I find that hard to believe.” 

You growl low in your throat. “I'm not sad, okay? I don't know what gave you that idea, but I'm not. You know why? Because I choose not to be! It's that easy! I'm fine, I actively chose to be fine, and I do _not_ need your help!”

“Oh yeah?” Dirk sounds pissed now, and you get a sick sort of pleasure at having finally gotten to the stoic. “Well, if it's _that easy_ , then what's the secret? Cause I've been trying to figure out how to be okay for years now, and if you've somehow cracked the code, then I'd really like to know what the fucking trick is!”

“You wanna know the trick? Fine then, I’ll tell you.” You look him dead in the eyes. “It’s really pretty simple. All you gotta do is put your brain on mute.”

“On mute.”

“Yeah. Yeah! If your mind’s telling you that you’re useless, or you’re dumb, or weak or alone or whatever it is, you just stop thinking about it! You just tell yourself that you don’t feel bad, and you just make yourself empty, and then you’re _fine_!” You take a ragged breath. “Do you get it now?”

“That’s… what you _do_?”

  
  
You sigh. “That’s what I’ve always done.”

“Jesus christ, dude.” All anger has left his voice. “So you're telling me you'd rather be empty than sad?”

“I mean… wouldn't you?”

He looks for a second like he's about to answer, but simply shakes his head. “Look, I get it if you don't want to talk about it. Really, I do. Hell, if I were you, I probably wouldn't either. But could you at least let me help you clear out your room? Because seriously, that place is a fucking jungle. I don't know how you even sleep in there.”

“Most of the time I just stay in Terezi’s room.” you mumble. 

“See what I mean? Dude, seriously.” There's sympathy in his voice, which would usually make you feel patronized, but he actually sounds genuine. You're too weary to keep being mad at him anyways. “Let me help you out. At the very least, it'll get me off your case.”

You rub your temples. “You're insufferable, you know that, right? Has anybody ever told you that you're just totally insufferable?”

“Every day of my life since I was ten.”

“Okay, you know what?” You throw up your hands. “You _can_ help me with the gardens. Tomorrow. But I gotta warn you, it's really not easy work.”

Dirk shrugs. “Didn't think it was.” 

"So you're not afraid of getting your hands dirty?"

"If I was, I wouldn't have offered."

“Great! Great.” 

A guilty silence falls over your table, and you pointedly look anywhere but at him.

“...Sorry about snapping at you.” you say finally.

“Hey, no need to be. Kneejerk reaction, right?”

“You know it.” You force a joyless laugh. “I mean it, though. I know you were just trying to help.”

“Really, uh… don't even worry about it.” He hits you with a weak thumbs-up, and his attempt at being comforting makes you laugh for real a little bit. “We're all good, dude.”

“I'm glad.” And you really are. “On that note, it's way darker out than it was when we got here, so I think I'm gonna head home. The nights are so cold here!”

“Yeah, that's probably a good idea. This was fun, though.” He stretches and gets up. “I should get yelled at by angry furries in fifties-themed ice cream parlors more often.” You roll your eyes. “So, see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yep! Don't be late!”

“We... didn't set a time.”

“Don't be late anyways.” The two of you wave your goodbyes, and you fly your way home. The planet rolls by under you, and you're struck by just how green everything is here. Your last home was always really green, too. You guess some things never change.

But some things, of course, do. For the Jade back home, going out for ice cream with a new friend was a pipe dream, a fantasy you would only let yourself indulge in late at night when it could feel almost. For the Jade you are now, it's just... something you do? Or, at the very least, something you've done once, and could, potentially, do again. 

Who would've ever thought?

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is literally just shameless self projection but i hope you guys like it! if you wanna reach me, my twitter is @jadevrisrezi


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